Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Wednesday Mailbag - by Christopher

For Wed. mailbag:

How are Turkey sandwiches in Turkey? Are they the freshest around?


Dear Burke,

Not only are they the freshest, they are the most natural turkey sandwiches on the planet.

That's because Turkey the country is actually made of turkey the delicious meat. Every square inch of the place. 

The elevators don't work, the plumbing doesn't work, the electric fixtures don't work, because they're all made of naturally occurring smoked turkey. 

I tried to mail a letter in a turkey mailbox yesterday, and it just sagged and crumpled to the ground when I touched it. But the sandwich I made out of it was outstanding

Shopping is difficult at best, because who wants to buy a mop made out of turkey? After you've slathered meat all over your kitchen floor you can pause for a delicious sandwich, but the floor becomes a rancid mess in only minutes. 

Fortunately insects aren't a problem, since they are composed entirely of turkey.

I made an odd discovery last week; pancakes here are not made of turkey, but are made of succulent, butter-drenched crab meat. 

Potatoes for some reason just taste like potatoes. I guess because you've got to have some kind of side dish for all this amazing turkey. And cars use brown gravy instead of motor oil. I've tried both kinds, but I prefer natural over synthetic. Better consistency.

I did run into an issue about a month ago where a cop questioned me after he saw me on the street with a half-eaten stop sign in my hand.

Other than that, it's all upside.  

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