Sunday, December 14, 2008
I had a very clear, very real moment of clarity that I thought would never come, and it felt/feels good.
While on our vacation last week I decided I have to uncomplicate my life.
I shouldn't have let it get this complicated, but I did, and now I must do something about it.
I feel overwhelmed.
I feel like I am missing out on my relationships.
I feel like things are crowding me out of my own life.
I feel like my gifts and talents aren't being shared with the world the way I would like them to be.
I feel like my health is being neglected.
I feel like I'm not having as much fun as I could be.
I feel like I haven't stopped and made a decision to change anything because 1. I haven't allowed myself the time to stop and 2. I have been fearing the unknown.
Well no more.
I am no longer going to fear the repercussions of making a choice. I've made plenty of choices in my life and I've been just fine.
"The world doesn't need another unhappy, overstresed martyr. The world needs vibrant, passionate, caring people."
That quote found me and it made sense to me.
By simplifying my life, I can make some more time to pursue my passions.
I would like to publish a children's book, work on photography, interior design, invite people over, explore more of Ankara, learn Turkish, spend more time with my new husband, run, etc…And I think even if I had a little more time to devote to those things I would feel a lot more joy.
I don't want to simplify so I can sit around and do nothing (though that does have it's place sometimes). I want to simplify so I can bring more fun and more purpose to my life.
Plan a Mexican party at our place, sew the curtains over our bed, learn how to sew!, create a 2008 iMovie, write our Christmas card, send to print my children's book, re-re-re-learn Photoshop, make a webpage with my photos, learn Turkish, know more about this country I'm calling home, have time to plan new adventures, etc… things that I get a kick out of and feel passionate about.
I feel passionate about education, but not enough to fill my entire days and months devoting as much time to it as I do now.
I don't feel passionate about it in a theoretical, thesis, case study way.
I feel passionate about it in a "I like to be in the classroom" "I'd like to write a children's book or teacher's materials" kind of way.
I have given this months of thought and I know now that I have to take leave from grad school.
I know all the reasons to stay, but my heart knows the reasons to go, and those reasons have been weighing a lot heavier on me.
I make this decision without haste, and I make it with as much certainty as one can have in any big life decision.
As my friends and family (and strangers...hello!), I know you will be supportive in my decision.
Chris will continue on and get his masters degree. We can all look forward to celebrating that in 3 years.
And hopefully in three years we can also celebrate my first children's book publication!
Here's to clarity.
Posted by CUMC at Sunday, December 14, 2008