Saturday, January 24, 2009

"If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" or "If You Take the Wheels off Your Bed" or "Why My Bed is Now Flush With the Floor"

Ever since coming back from our visit to the States, Chris has been complaining that our bed slopes downwards. He feels every night like he is sliding backwards into the wall.

I chalked it up to some leftover jet lag, possibly some vertigo and just plain guys are weird.

The bed was fine when we left, nothing has changed, get over it (I'm so sympathetic).

The other night as we were kissing goodnight and making our way to dreamland, Chris again asked me if I felt like the bed was crooked or sloping. "No, no I do not. But for the love of God and sleep and peace, just look under the bed and see if something is broken." (Again, so sympathetic).

So Chris gets up, turns on the light, checks under the head of the bed and finds that sure enough, one of the wheels has snapped and lodged itself half-way in the box-spring. This of course is causing the bed to slope downwards towards our heads.

Chris being the kind husband that he is, glazes right past the "I told you so's" and begins requesting tools.

I get out of bed to better facilitate whatever handy work Chris is going to begin.

He asks me to go get the green tool (color-coding is the only way I can tell tools apart). I bring it back to him and he uses the green tool to snap the wheel off the bottom of the bed.

So if you snap the wheel off the left side, what do you have to do to the right side? That's right.

And then of course, that leaves the bed sloping about 40 degrees downwards.

So while Chris holds the box-spring up, I yank off the other two pegs at the foot of the bed.

We drop the box-spring back on the ground and find that it now rests evenly on the carpet.

The sheets are now of course everywhere.
Turkey does not make fitted sheets to fit this size bed (why would they?), so you have to buy a large flat sheet and tuck it in everywhere.

So Chris lifts the box-spring back up, as I try to tuck the sheet underneath it.

We are like a couple playing Twister; all pretzel-ed together, nothing working.

Chris suggests just doing the lifting and tucking himself. He lifts, tucks, then drops the box-spring on his toe.

He is now wincing in pain and trying to pretend it didn't hurt that bad.

Meanwhile I'm eye-balling the other side of the bed, wondering if he'll be in too much pain to lift and tuck that side as well (I really should win awards for my sympathy).

We decide that that side will just have to look ugly, and go about putting the mattress back on the bed.

This is when Chris mentions that he doesn't have any of the duvet because the duvet cover is bigger than the duvet and all he has now is duvet cover.

We unbutton the cover and try to figure out a way to attach the duvet to the duvet cover (usually there are little ties, but this is a Turkey duvet cover...and usually the duvet is the same size as the duvet cover, but again...logic is not a concern in a place where Ataturk invented everything 70 years ago and nothing has been improved since).

We take out duct tape, safety pins...anything we can get our hands on that looks like an it could be an anchor.

We decide the safety pins are our best bet and go about safety-pinning the duvet to the duvet cover.

After all the pins are in, we throw the blanket on the bed and set about finally drifting off to sleep.

Once all the lights are out, Chris asks me "Do you think there's a good chance the safety pins will pop open and stab us in the foot or eye?"
"Are they Turkish safety pins?"

Without saying another word we both got out of bed, turned on the lights, and starting taking all the safety pins out of the duvet.


  1. Wow, this sounds more like an "I Love Lucy" episode than something I'd thought you'd have to experience.

    I hope your next nights sleep finds you both "level headed".

  2. Hahaha..Annacannapoe, you are right on. Very clever comment.