Monday, April 6, 2009

Breakfast Included - by Christopher

I don't think I've traveled around the USA enough to know if breakfast is typically included in the cost of a hotel room or not.

Also, the times I have traveled around the US, I've probably slept through most of the 'free breakfast' windows of opportunity.

If you write and tell me that I have been sleeping through free breakfast in America, my next thing would be to wonder if I've been missing the kind of great quality breakfasts that Sarah won't let me sleep through over here.

The selection is basically the same stuff everywhere; some bread, various jams, jellies and chocolate peanut butter spread (my favorite), some hard-boiled eggs, some delicious fresh tomato slices, maybe a little fruit sometimes, maybe a little cereal sometimes, stinky cheese and limp cold cuts (I never touch these).

My favorite part beside the chocolate peanut butter spread is the hard-boiled egg. I usually have at least two every morning, sometimes three if I'm feeling like I really need the protein that day. Some places even have the little "hard-boiled egg holder plate" (I don't know what to call it). I really like this thing because it is built with its own hard-boiled egg compartment. You just place the egg in the little compartment and it makes it so much easier to peel the shell off.

My method of eating a hard-boiled egg really annoys Sarah. Sarah eats her meals at least twice as fast as I do. So her method of eating a hard-boiled egg is to cut the whole thing in half with her butter knife and then spoon it out of the shell. My method is to meticulously peel off each and every little fragment of shell, and to pop the whole egg in my mouth.

When I have tried to use Sarah's method, I usually end up getting little bits of shell in my mouth. I cannot stand this for some reason. She has assured me several times that there's nothing wrong with eating a little bit of the shell. But I just keep thinking, "I can't eat the shell, it's bad." I wonder if my parents remember any episode from my childhood that might explain this irrational aversion to eating even the tiniest piece of eggshell.

Some mornings I still have trouble getting up for the free breakfast, even though I am completely in love with the free breakfast. I have to lay there and imagine the feeling of satisfaction I'll have when I peel off that last little bit of shell - the egg naked and unblemished in my palm - and the wonderful glop glop glop of chewing the whole egg up in one big mouthful. This helps me to throw the covers off and get dressed. Then I am really ready for my free breakfast, man.

But sometimes I wake up and I'm lying in bed and it's dark out. I look at the clock and it's maybe 2 in the morning. And the dream I just had was so realistic that I lie in bed for the next thirty minutes with my stomach rumbling, thinking that all I want to do right then is eat a hard-boiled egg. Then I feel unsettled, because I don't have a hard-boiled egg to eat. Because I'm laying in my hotel bed in the middle of the night.

So I end up laying there in the quiet darkness, wondering if there are free breakfasts in the USA. And I wonder if I've slept through dozens and dozens of free breakfast opportunities in my travels through the states.

And then, later, I spin the whole thing out into a 600 word blog post.


  1. I've been traveling a lot with work and I have only had a handful of places with free breakfast, none of which had hard boiled eggs. I don't want to burst you're egg bubble... but I think this might be a European thing... or maybe just not a southwestern thing!

  2. Chris, I have the answer to your question about your aversion to eating things with "bits" in them. When small, you wouldn't drink orange juice with "bugs" in it! We call it pulp. You haven't changed, just grown older!! I have to agree with the part about the eggshell though.
    I hope you continue to enjoy the European breakfasts...

  3. Glad to see you are enjoying the free breakfasts in EU.

    I wonder how much food is being consumed on location, versus taken out for later use!!! Last I remember, Sarah has a large, empty, back pack at every EU breakfast.

    Chris, for your protein needs, please consider a more sophisticated approach to downing this white orb like food. The following method allows for; salt & pepper to be applied while slowly consuming the orb, dipping toasted soldiers into the yellow/runny part of the egg, a longer time spent eating the egg translates into more time for Sarah to organize her take out needs.
    To accomplish this, you have to “man-up” and let the egg know that you are going to slice off the top forth of the vertically aligned egg. The egg will protest. After all the egg was built to avoid such devastation. You must stay “manned-up”. Use the protein gained from the day before to maintain “man-up” needs. Place the egg in an egg cup. Grab a knife and place it vertically eleven inches to the right of the egg. After final “manning-up” take the knife and with a three quarter quick vertical thrust – slam the edge of the knife blade into the right side of the egg about a half inch from the top. If this action does not crack the egg, repeat above process and use seven eights quick vertical thrust. These actions should result in the top part of the egg cut away so you have a nice opening on top of the egg - leaving the rest of the egg intact. Use the tiny spoon provided to begin eating the egg. Give yourself a high five to let the egg know you won out this time. Random audible manly sounds and speech are also allowed as long as you don’t become another “embarrassing American traveling abroad”. Advanced training, to be provided at a later date, includes; determining what end of the egg to cut, how best to apply salt when you can’t see how much is going into the orb and suggested audible sounds and speech after the successful topping.
    If all else fails, ask the waiter for assistance. Or you could just stick with cramming the entire orb into your mouth as mentioned in your blog. Sarah, to re-certify for the Heimlich Maneuver please see
    See for toasted soldiers that you might ask for to use for your dipping needs.

    See for topper cutting equipment you can purchase to make topping easier.